


Spencer's Boston Theatre. 



♦ >« 



Price, 12 1-2 Cents, each. Ten for One Dollar. 
BOUND VOLUMES, SI. 



VOL. I. 

1 Moll Pitcher, 

2 The Forest Rose, 
7 ruittilwriii , 

4 Bachelor's Bedroom, 

■ 5 Sophia's Supper, 

» * iftr 1 — J --° ™ a ~-. 

7 Black-eyed Susan, 



VOL. Z^, 

9 Satan in Paris, 

10 More Blunders than one, 

11 Rosin a Meadows, 

12 The Dumb Belle, 

13 My Aunt, 

14 Spring and Autumn, 

15 Six Degrees of Crime, 

16 Limeiick Boy, 

VOL. III. 

12L£cesaimptive Evidence, 
•18 Man and Wife, 
♦19 The Sergeant's Wife, 
«20 Masks and Faces, 

BfriM ws y •WiTes of Windsor, 
•22 Nature and Philosophy, 
•23 Agnes de Vere, 
•24 Shandy Maguire, 

VOL. IV. 

: 26 Michael Erie, 
; fil H ff Mp t h r T i lr r 
38*€pectre Bridegroom, 
•29 Idiot Witness, 
•30 Willow Copse, 
*31 Matteo Falcone, 
»32 People's Lawyer, 

VOL. V. 

33 Jenny Lind, 

34 Comedy of Err->rs, 



35 liii- 

36 Surgeon of Paris. 

1 37 Patrician's Daughter, 

1 38 The Two Buzzards, 

39 Shoemaker of Toulouse, 

40 Momentous Question, 



VOL. VI. 

! 41 Love and Loyalty. 
i 42 Jiebfeer*S¥tfe. 
• 43 Tfajipir Mnn 

44 Dumb Girl of Genoa. 

45 Wmck < Ashwe, 

46 Graff* 

47 11 Till mi Mil Men. 
•48 Wallace. 

VOL. VII. 

49 Madelaine. 

50 Betsey Baker. 

51 The Fireman, 

52 No. 1, Round the Corner, 
♦53 Teddy Roe. 

54 Grist to the Mill. 

55 Object of Interest. 
♦56 Two Loves and a Life. 

VOL. VIII. 

*57 Anne Blake. 
•58 My Fellow Clerk, 

• 5&-B*»*ga4'Figer. 
•GO-TheStewa** 

• 61 Capt, Kvd. 

62 Kick of the Woods. 
♦63 The Marble Heart 

VOL. IX. 

• 65 Second Love. 

•66 The Victor Vanquished. 
67 Our Wife 

69 My Husband's Mirror. 

• 73 Yankee Land. 
•71 Norah Crcina, 
»72 Good, r Nothing. 

VOL. X. 

*73 The First Night 

• 74 The Rake's Progress. 
•75 Pet of the Petticoats. 
.76 The Eaton Boy. 

• 77 Wandering Minstrel. 
78 Wanted 1000 Milliners. 

••79 Poor Pillicoddy. 

• 80 Breach of Promise. 



VOL. XI. 

81 The Mummy. 

82 TWR^Y¥ W 

83 Lad£ja£t5E"fcake. 

• 84 Still Water Runs Deep. 
85 Man of Many Friends. 
j • 86 Love in Livery. 

| 88 The Scholar. 

VOL. XII. 

■• 89 Helping Hands. 



!*91 Trying it on. 

92 Stage Struck Yankee, 

93 Young Wife & OJ ' 

* 94 Last Man, (Umb'U 
, &Htelletf--8t«*tegwn, 

j • 96 Crinoline. 

VOL. XIII. 

, » *? Ola a *d Yamag. 
98 A Family Failing. 

• 99 The Young Scamp, 
IfYlThn ft i l i j i t f r^l i i rfl 
JDUTfri.Trirnti Bond. 

•102 A Match in the Dark, 
*103 Advice to Husbands. 
; 104 Raffaelle. 

VOL. XIV. 

:.105 Ruth Oakley 

; 106 The British Slave. 

*108 A Life's Ransom, 
•109 Sent to the Tower. 
*dl0Giraldft, 
•111 Time Tries all, 



VOL. XV. 



• 113 Sjmebody Else. 

114 Warlock of the Glen 
•115 Zelina, 

• 116 Ladies' Battle, 
117 Art of Acting, 

h 11 8 Beatrice, 

i.119 The Lady of the Lions, 

■ 120 Neighbor Jackwood, 



WILLIAM V. SPENCER, 

PUBLISHER, 

84 WASxciavTOToasr st., 

BOSTON. 



SPENCER'S BOSTON THEATRE. -No. CCXV. 



SHOCKING EVENTS. 



% Jartt. — $« ©«j %ti. 



JOHN BALDWIN BUCKSTONE, ESQ. 

AUTHOR OF " GREEN BUSHES," " FLOWERS OF THE FOREST," " DREAM 
AT SEA," "BREACH OF PROMISE," ETC. 



With Casts, Costumes, and all the Stage Business. 



BOSTON: 
WILLIAM V. SPENCER, 

94 "Washi>'gtojt Street. 



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SHOCKING EYENTS. 



SCENE. — An apartment — Door at bach — Doors the l. h. and r. h. 
— A window in 3 e. on R. h. — The door in the second — Tables, 
chairs, frc. 

Kitty discovered looking out of window, on the R. H. 

Kit. I cannot be deceived — it must be — yes, it is — what can 
have brought him to Dover, I wonder! 'tis his figure, I am sure — 
just his fall in the back, and smart manner. (Calling.) Mr. Puggs, 
Mr. Puggs ! he don't hear me — how provoking ! Dear, dear, now he 's 
gaping at Punch and Judy — silly fellow, why don't he look at me ! 
He mingles with the admiring crowd — ah! I've lost sight of him. 
(Coming forward.) I surely could not have been mistaken — it must 
have been Puggs ; he has come from London purposely to see me, 
and perhaps his natural timidity will not allow him to call — or, may 
be, he is engaged professionally here at Dover. What a splendid 
voice he has — I really think, without exception, he is the finest bass 
singer I ever heard ; what a double G the little fellow has — where it 
comes from I can't divine — and as for his "Wolf," it's delicious! 
Well, now he has turned his attention to singing at public dinners, 
I hope he will soon make money enough to furnish a little house and 
marry me — we only want twenty pounds, and then — 

Enter Dorothy, r. h. d., 2 e. 

Dor. Well, Kitty, has he arrived ? 

Kit. Who, miss ? 

Dor. The son of pa's old friend. 

Kit. I beg your pardon, my head was full of something else — you 
mean the dumb young gentleman that master is to see safely on 
board the packet going to Dunkirk ? No, miss, he is not yet arrived : 
you appear as impatient to see him as master. 

Dor. To me they are very interesting people — and the efforts that 
some of them make to be understood are extremely striking ; for, 
though they cannot speak, there is an eloquence in their gestures 
that I consider very pleasing. 

Kit. I would rather see a young gentleman who can be eloquent 
with his hands in his pockets. There is your cousin, now, Captain 
Spoff, of the yeomanry cavalry — what a flow of words he has. 



4 SHOCKING EVENTS. 

Dor. Such a flow, that his meaning gets drowned in it sometimes 
— though his conversation is by no means disagreeable — and if he 
would not take offence so readily, I have no doubt he could make 
himself very pleasant. 

Kit. Since his corpse has been called out — 

Dor. His core, Kitty, not his corpse. 

Kit. It seems so odd to call it a core ; makes one think of an apple 
all the time. Well, since his core has been taken out — 

Dor. Called out! 

Kit. Called out, your pa has allowed him to take up his quarters 
here. 

Dor. Yes, Kitty, and I think he takes up his quarters in the kitchen 
a little too often ! 

Kit. La, miss — he only comes to play with the kittens. 

Dor. You are aware that, in proper time, my father intends him to 
be my husband. 

Kit. Yes, miss ; and so he comes into the kitchen to get a little in- 
sight into domestic economy beforehand. 

Dor. And learn how to scour the coppers, no doubt ; if he is so 
frequently taking such lessons, I must mention his studies to my 
father. 

Kit. How very impatient master seems for the arrival of this dumb 
person. Why does he wish to see him so particularly ? He has been 
running backwards and forwards to the coach-office every minute, and 
is so restless and so anxious you can't think ! 

Dor, Hush ! here he is. 

Enter Griffinhoof, from the bach, c. D. 

Gri. He 's not arrived yet ! What can have detained him ? The 
coach has come in — I Ve asked all the passengers if they were dumb, 
but could n't get an answer from any of them — so I don't know 
whether he was among them or not ; he 's not here, is he ? 

Dor. Not yet, papa. 

Gri. What can have detained him ? there is only the new patent- 
safety anti-railway fast coach to come in now ; if that don't break 
down, he must be here in a few minutes. 

Dor. You seem to interest yourself very much about this young 
man? 

Gri. I do ; the poor youth is dumb, that speaks in his favor ; be- 
sides, he is the son of a dear old friend. When I was at Dunkirk, 
twenty years ago, his house was my home ; since that time I have 
not seen or heard of him till the other day. It appears by his letter 
to me, that his son has been residing in London, but is now hasten- 
ing home to his parent, and he has requested me to receive him at my 
house, see him safely on board the packet, and direct the captain to 
take care of him. Now I intend that he shall remain with me for a 
month or two, in return for the hospitality I once experienced from 
his father. 

Kit. Ah, gratitude is a delightful virtue ! 

GrL It is, Kitty; and I will prove mine, by attempting to cure my 
friend's son. If I should succeed, what a triumph it will be for me ; 
how it will increase my practice as a veterinary-surgeon ! 



SHOCKING EVENTS. 5 

Kit. I should like to see you cure him ! 

Gri. I have been absorbed in the idea night and day ; my profes- 
sion has confined me so entirely to dumb animals, that I have been 
enabled to make observations which no other medical practitioner 
has had an opportunity to do. I almost made a horse speak the other 
day. 

Kit. Lord, sir ! 

Gri. I effected it by a shock. Having to administer a draught to 
the animal, I approached him suddenly, when the creature was so 
startled that it absolutely, when I offered the medicine, uttered a neg- 
ative. 

Kit. Uttered a negative ? 

Gri. Yes, it gave a loud neigh ! and I am now convinced if a sud- 
den emotion could have such an extraordinary effect on a horse, what 
would similar experiments accomplish with a human being ? 

Kit. It 's quite impossible to say, sir ! 

Gri. I have arranged the whole theory in my mind. The voice is 
an instrument given to us by nature — a wind-instrument ; for without 
breath we cannot articulate, that 's clear. A flute or a flageolet are 
wind-instruments : without breath, they are mute ; but blow 'em, fill 
'em with a violent current of air, they speak — that 's clear. Now, the 
human frame is a specie of flageolet. If it be not filled with sufficient 
air, the organ of sound is silent ; and that, I feel convinced, is the 
cause of human dumbness, — want of sufficient ah* to fill the tubes 
of the organ. 

Kit. Quite right, sir ; can't play the organ without the bellows ! 

Gri. There ! — do you hear ? do you hear ? The girl has uncon- 
sciously illustrated my theory. You 're right, Kitty ; you 're right in 
your premises. 

Kit. Always shall be, I hope, sir. 

Gri. Now — now — how is the necessary current of air to be ob- 
tained ? 

Kit. Open all the doors and windows, and let the man stand in the 
draught. 

Gri. No — now you're wrong, Kitty — no, by sudden emotions, 
violent shocks ! 

Kit. Dear me ! 

Gri. They suddenly inflate the organs of speech with auxiliary 
gas ; and, as the shock subsides, the human frame naturally strives to 
express its feelings. You know the fish-pond in my garden — 

Kit. Yes, sir ; you have just had it dug eight feet deep. 

Gri. Well, when the young man arrives, I will ask him to walk 
into the garden. I will engage his attention until we arrive at the 
edge of the pond. I will direct his eye to the gold and silver fish. 
While he is absorbed, I will suddenly push him into the pond. He 
will naturally use every effort to call for help. Fright will assist, na- 
ture will fly to his aid, and if he once cries out, "Oh! I shall be 
drowned ! " my cure will be complete. 

Dor. Suppose you should drown him 1 

Gri. Then we can but look upon him as a necessary victim, sacri- 
•ficed at the shrine of medical science. Now, away with you, and look 
out for the youth. Is his room ready ? 
1* 



b SHOCKING EVENTS. 

Kit. Yes, sir; he will sleep in the next apartment to you. 

Gri. Good ! In the middle of the night I can discharge blunder- 
busses close to his ear. 

Kit. Lord, sir ! 

Gri. The shock may make him exclaim, " What 's that ! " — don't 
you see — don't you understand % Now, away with you, and leave me 
to my studies. 

[Dorothy goes off, r. h. d., Kitty at the back, c. d. 

I shall succeed ! I have a presentiment of my certain success — 
then my fortune is made — the lectures of Professor Griffinhoof will 
be listened to with admiration, in every town in the United Kingdom 
— already I behold them in the public papers — already I hear the 
voices of my grateful patients uttering their thanks to me at provin- 
cial meetings ; then will the dream of my life be fulfilled — admira- 
tion while living — a statue when dead. (Shouts outside "Stop 
thief! ") What 8 that ? a noise in the street. (Looks out of window.) 
Ah ! the crowd pursuing a man — they cry, " Stop thief! " — he darts 
down an alley — they follow — now he appears again by another — 
bless me, he has run into my house — who can it be ? 

[Mr. Puggs runs on at tlie back out of breath, and falls fainting in 
an arm-chair. — Griffinhoof regards him with astonishment. 

Gri. My dear sir — what is the matter ? 

(Puggs makes signs, he is so out of breath he cannot speak.) 

Gri. He can't speak ! it is he — it is the son of my friend. Doro- 
thy, my dear, he is here — he is arrived. (Knocking at r. h. r>.) 

Pug. (aside). Who the deuce does he take me for ? 

Enter Dorothy, r. h. d. 

Gri. He is here, my love — he is arrived. 

Dor. What a very interesting creature ! what a pity he *s dumb ? 

Gri. My dear boy ! (About to advance towards him.) 

[Puggs looks up astonished — is about to speak, when Captain 
Spoff enters at the back, c. d. 

Pug. (aside) . Oh dear — here he is — not a word. 

Spo. (in a ro/je). An insolent scoundrel ! 

Gri. What is the matter, nephew ? 

Spo. Matter ? a most atrocious and never to be too much abused 
villain. 

Gri. Be cool, Mr. Spoff — what is the matter ? 

Spo. You shall hear. I was about to dismount from my horse — 
some ladies were admiring my equestrian evolutions — when sudden- 
ly my horse threw me over his head. Just as I had so dismounted, I 
managed, by an extraordinary effort, to descend without hurting my- 
self — a fellow uttered a loUd laugh — I advanced to punish him — 
he called me by a ridiculous epithet, in a most remarkably deep-toned 
voice, and dashed between my legs. I again found myself prostrate 
on the earth. Boiling with rage, I called out, " Stop thief," — the 
mob chased the scoundrel from street to street — he eluded pursuit — 
and — (seeing Puggs). By heavens, here he is ! 

Gri. My dear nephew ! — he call you by a ridiculous epithet ! and 
in a deep -toned voice ? — impossible ! 

Dor. He is dumb, cousin ! 



SHOCKING EVENTS. i 

Gri. The son of my old friend. 

Dor. Certainly. 

Pug. (aside). Oho ! I 'in dumb, am I ? — well, I will be so. 

Dor. Are you not, sir ? You can't speak, can you, sir ? 

[Puggs points to his mouth, and shakes his head. 

Gri. I knew I was right — it is lie — the instrument of my future 
fame ! ( Crosses to Puggs.) I 'm glad to see you, my dear boy — glad 
to see you ! 

Spo. I never beheld such a resemblance, in all my days ! 

Gri. You could not have heard him speak, when he tells you, as 
plain as he can, that he can't. Dorothy, take your cousin away, and 
leave me alone with my young friend. 

Spo. I could not have been so mistaken. Let me but once hear 
his voice, and then I shall be certain. Let him but speak, and I '11 
cut his throat ! 

Gri. You were bewildered by your summerset, and incapable of 
identification. 

Spo. I'll keep an eye on this fellow. 

Gri. Now, go ! Take him away, Dorothy ; — play him the Bat- 
tle of Prague, on the piano-forte, to compose him. 

Spo. Never could have made such a mistake ! (Griffin, puts 
Dorothy and Spoff off, r. h. d.) 

Gri. Go — go ! 

Pug. (aside). Luckily, he will have it I 'm dumb — and the horse- 
man will cut my throat if I speak ! Then I must and will be dumb, 
till I see Kitty. — To think that a bass singer ! — a professional gen- 
tleman ! — (Griffin, advances on tiptoe, and hollas in Puggs's ear.) 

Gri. Booh ! (Puggs starts.) 

Gri. (watching him). No — he don't speak! — the shock was not 
violent enough. Before I discharge a blunderbuss, I '11 try the effect 
of a pistol. 

Pug. (aside). Try the effect of a pistol ! What does he mean ? 

Gri. How can I express to him that I am glad to see him ? (Makes 
signs with his fingers to Puggs.) He don't understand me. I don't 
spell my words correctly, I suppose. Perhaps he may not be deaf. 
Happy to see you, my dear boy — glad to hear your father 's well. 
(Puggs draws back.) Don't be alarmed — the kindest attention shall 
be paid to you — nothing but the gentlest treatment awaits you. I 
wish you, by signs, to reply to my questions. Ah ! your father and I 
were old friends ; though, to use a veterinary phrase, you were foaled 
since I last had the pleasure of seeing him. Now, answer me, if 
you 've heard what I have been saying. 

(Puggs makes signs that he can't speak.) 
Gri. I know — I understand you ; the study of my life has been 
dumb animals, and I shall comprehend you — were you born with 
this lapsis linguae 1 I beg your pardon, of course you can't know Lati 1 1 ? 

Pug. (nods his head) . (Aside.) I should think so; I've sung the 
bass of non nobis Dominoes often enough ! 

Gri. Wonderful, a scholar ! knows Latin ! a dumb knowledge of 
a dead language. 

[Grif. looks at him a moment, flourishes his hands before him, then 
suddenly exclaims, 



8 SHOCKING EVENTS. 

Young man! How long is it since you lost the use of your 
speech 1 

(Puggs makes signs, since he was a boy.) 
Gri. Oh ! he hears me, it seems ; now I shall be able to get on. I 
understand you ; lost your speech when you were small. Can you 
remember any events of that period I 

Pug. (aside). 1 11 tell him I recollect being breeched. (Makes signs 
of being breeched. ) 

Gri. Can't comprehend him. (Grif. repeats signs.) Something 
about pulling on his boots. 

(Puggs shakes his head, then indicates spinning tops.) 
Gri. Ha ! ha ! ha ! that I understand ; he recollects peg in the ring. 
Since you have been away from your father, of course you have 
met with a friend ? 

(Puggs nods.) 
Gri. In London ? 

(Puggs nods.) 
Gri. One of your own countrymen, or a cockney ? 
Pag. (imitates a dog, running, wagging his tail, Sfc.) Bow, wow ! 
Gri. Poor fellow ! his friend was his dog. Has he followed you ? 
[Puggs indicates that he has lost him — whistles, looks about — 
shakes his head, and falls in chair, weeping. 
Gri. Lost him ! 

(Puggs nods.) 
Gri. How well I comprehend him ! By what accident or cause 
did the functions of your vocal organs become suspended ? 
(Puggs seems bothered.) 
Gri. In plain words, how did you lose your speech 1 
(Puggs indicates a pugilistic encounter.) 
Gri. Fighting — eh? 

(Puggs nods.) 
Gri. Received a blow — 

(Puggs nods.) 
Gri. Where? 

(Puggs gives Grif. a tremendous blow in the stomach.) 
Gri. Oh ! there, ch ! bless me ; that 's the way you lost your 
voice ; no wonder, it has almost deprived me of mine — his gestures 
are very striking ! 

Enter Dorothy, r. h. d. 

Dor. Well, papa, do you understand him ? 
Gri. Better than if he spoke. 
Dor. Then why attempt to cure him ? 
Gri. For the advancement of science, my dear ! 
Dor. I wonder if / can understand him ? 

Gri. Ask him to sit down, while I consider a gentle shock ; I must 
arrive at violence by degrees. 

Dor. (crosses to c). Are you fatigued ? 

(Puggs nods.) 
Dor. That means yes ; how intelligent he is ! Pray sit down. 
[She draws a chair for him; he thanks her. — Griffin, creeps 
on other side, suddenly pulls it from under him, and he falls. 



SHOCKING EVENTS. 9 

£ or - H I Oh! 

Pug. (c.) J 

Gri'. That isn't violent enough; ah, silly girl, you have spoilt 
the effect. Why did you cry out and mingle the sounds ? You have 
ruined the experiment ; I thought I heard him utter an expression. 

Dor. Merely a plaintive cry, and no wonder, poor creature ! 

Pug. (aside). What has he done that for ? 

Gri. Gentle shocks are useless ; rise, my dear friend. (Assisting 
him to rise.) Rise — this is nothing to what you must suffer shortly. 

Pug. (aside). He had better not do that again. 

Gri. He looks angry ; I must soothe him a little now, Kitty ! ( Call- 
ing.) 

Pug. (aside). He calls Kitty ! she will discover me, perhaps. 

Enter Kitty, c. d., comes down r. 

Kit. (astonished). Oh dear! bless me — (Aside.) Why, it's 
Puggs ! 

(Puggs ivinks at her, puts his finger. to his mouth.) 

Gri. Why — eh — what 's the matter ? 

Dor. What 's the matter, Kitty ! 

Kit. I — I was n't aware that a stranger was here — and when — 
when I see one — I 'ni always so shy. 

Dor. 'T is the young man that we expected ! 

Gri. The dumb youth — 

Kit. Eh! — dumb youth? (Concealing a laugh.) Oh, my gra- 
cious ! 

Gri. Don't laugh, Kitty; you don't know what you may come to 
be; and then I may have to shock you — (Puggs ivinks at Kitty 
— Griffinhoof sees it.) Hollo! hollo! he's winking his eye at 
my maid. Sir (to Puggs), I'm accountable to your father for 
your moral conduct, and I cannot allow any telegraphic dispatches 
with my female domestic — no winking here. 

Kit. W inking, sir — perhaps the gentleman only had something 
in his eye. 

Gri. Then I desire he '11 extract it himself, without your assistance. 
Go, and prepare him some refreshment — have you breakfasted ? 
(Puggs shakes his head.) 

Kit. Ha ! ha ! that means no — how well I understand him. 

Gri. Now I want some one to go — (enter Spoff, r. h. d.) oh! 
you can go, nephew. 

Spo. Where? 

Gri . To the captain of the Dunkirk steamer, with this letter to the 
youth's father, explaining my wish to detain the boy here. Dorothy 
will accompany you. ( Giving letter to Spoff.) 

Spo. (to Dorothy). Are you susceptible of a promenade? 

Dor. I shall be delighted. 

Spo. Accept my arm — 

Dor. Is there not an interesting je ne sais quoi about the youth ? 

Spo. I 've not yet arrived at any conclusion repecting him — ex- 
cept that he strongly resembles the individual that made a colossus of 
me. 

Dor. Oh! no, no — impossible! 



10 SHOCKING EVENTS. 

Spo. He is very like — very like, indeed. 

[Exit with Dorothy, c. d. 

Gri. (having kept his eyes fixed on Puggs). There is an intelli- 
gence in his countenance that indicates great volubility, were the 
anti-vocal obstacles removed — violence alone can do that. "While he 
is getting his breakfast, I will prepare my great shock — then he must, 
he will not be able to help expressing his agony, and in words, too. 
It will almost take his leg off; but violent diseases require violent 
remedies. [Exit r. h. d., looking at Puggs. 

Pug. That old fellow frightens me. What does he mean by taking 
my leg off? 

Kit. (listening at r. h. d.) Hush! all's safe — master has gone 
into the garden, young missus and the captain have gone to the 
packet, and now we can talk without fear of interruption. My dear 
Puggs, how glad I am to see you — caught a glimpse of you this 
morning — knew it was you. Now, tell me the meaning of ail this. 

Pug. Oh, Kitty ! that 's the very question I was going to ask you. 
But before we say anything more, pray, allow me just to let twenty 
or thirty words rush out of my mouth, for my tongue is quite cramped 
with long silence. How d'ye do ? — how have you been this last ha if 
year 1 — so glad to see you — can't think — been waiting about the 
house some hours to get a word with you. Bless me, how well you 
look — I'm very well — only half starved — how d'ye like your place 

— how's uncle'? — and ain't you surprised to see me? There — oh, 
what a relief that has been to my poor tongue. Now give me a kiss, 
and that will be a relief to my lips. (Kisses her.) There. 

Kit. How famiiiar it does seem to have a kiss from an old friend 

— saw you this morning from the window — knew you by the fail in 
your back. 

Pug. But you won't know me for the fall in my stomach, if you 
don't soon get me something to eat. 

Kit. I will in a minute — how came you here — and into this 
house ? 

Pug. I laughed at a man who would try a new way of getting off 
a horse — he was offended — I knocked him down — he cried, " Stop 
thief! " — of course, / ran — everybody after me — got away — your 
door open — darted in — your master saw me — told me I was dumb, 
and he was glad to see me. 

Kit. Ha ! ha ! ha ! well, the best thing you can do is to continue 
speechless — don't utter a word, on your life — I '11 explain why, by 
and by ; if you do you '11 be well taken care of. 

Pug. Shall I ? then I '11 never open my mouth again, except to 
put something into it. 

Kit. Well, and have you come from London on purpose to see 
me? 

Pug. Almost ; I was brought down to sing at a public dinner, yes- 
terday — you know I 'm the bass — got such a double G now — get 
down so low I can hardly find my way up again. 

Kit. I know ; it has often made my hair stand on end. 

Pug. Just the thing, thought I — combine business with pleasure 

— see Kitty, and tell her how I 'm getting on. I 've quite done with 
harmonic meetings, that was low — dinners are respectable. 



SHOCKING EVENTS. 11 

Kit. I should think so. 

Pug. Yet, my trip here has been an unlucky one. 

Kit. Unlucky ! 

Pug. There are two clubs in this town, " The Philanthropic Buf- 
faloes " and " The Noble Nondescripts." I was brought down to sing 
at the Buffaloes. 

Kit. Sing at the Buffaloes ! 

Pug. Yes — a charitable affair — give away worsted stockings to 
poor people with wooden legs. 

Kit. Very praiseworthy object. 

Pug. Well, some of the Nondescripts, who hate the Buffaloes, man- 
aged to get into the room and cough down the chairman's speech. 
The cry was, " Turn 'em out ! " I had been hem — ming to clear my 
voice previous to my giving 'em " The Blood-red Bandit's Bride," 
and they would have it I was a Nondescript. 

Kit. How insulting! 

Pug. My friend, the tenor, who brought me down, — a tall, fat 
man, with a small voice, — tried to explain who I was; but, as he 
could only speak in the key that he sang in, nobody heard him, and I 
was carried out of the room by two waiters, who banged the door in 
my face. So I lost my two guineas, and have scarcely had anything 
to eat since yesterday. 

Kit. Then I '11 go and get your breakfast. 

Pug. Do ! there 's a dear ! One word. — what is the cause of your 
master's strange conduct to me ? Is it the result of a playful disposi- 
tion ? 

Kit. Ha ! ha ! — yes ! he's quite a boy. He '11 play at leap-frog 
with you, if you humor him. Do so, Puggs, and you are sure to be 
well treated. (Aside.) I won't let him into the secret yet, or he 
may turn coward, and go. (Aloud.) Now, Puggs, don't forget that 
you are dumb. I '11 make haste with your breakfast ; so sit down, 
and hold your tongue. [Exit c. d. 

Pug. Well, I 've seen Kitty, and that 's some consolation for losing 
my two guineas. Very odd, to think, after watching the house so 
long, and being afraid to knock and ask for Kitty, in case I should 
get her into trouble, (for she wrote to tell me that no followers were 
allowed, ) that I should be hunted into it, and received by her master 
in the most affectionate manner. He plays at leap-frog, does he? 
How delightful it is to contemplate a youthful heart in an old body ! 

Re-enter Kitty, in alarm, c. D. 

Kit. Oh, my gracious, Puggs, now we are in a hobble ! 

Pug. What 's the matter ? 

Kit. The real Dummy has arrived. 

Pug. What do you mean ? 

Kit. We expected a dumb gentleman. You have been taken for 
him. 

Pug. And now he has arrived, give me my breakfast and let 
me go. 

Kit. You are safe for a quarter of an hour, for I have locked him 
up in my room. Now, go into the parlor ; your breakfast is waiting. 

Pug. "Which way ? 



12 SHOCKING EVENTS. 

Kit. (pointing l. n. d.) That way. Follow nose. 

Pug. Eggs and ham ! i" smell them. All right ! My nose will 
indeed direct my steps. Wait a moment — (crosses to r. h. d., where 
Griffinhoof went off, and calls through tlie keyhole.) Stupid old 
medical adviser to four-footed animals ! 

Kit. What are you about ? 

Pug. Old fool! 

Kit. Gracious ! he will hear you. 

Pvg. Then he 11 think it 's you, because I 'm dumb ! Now, for 
breakfast. (Runs off, l. h. d. 2 e.) 

Griffinhoof suddenly enters, r. h. d. 

Gri. Who 's that ? — Who *s that abusing me ? Medical adviser 
to four-footed animals! — and old fool! It must have been you. 
How dare you make use of such epithets to me ? 

Kit. Never said a word, sir. 

Gri. Must have been you. There are no other persons in the 
house, now, that can talk, but you ; and it must have been you. 

Kit. Called you an old fool ! Lord, sir ! it wasn't me. It was 
you talking to yourself. 

Gri. No. I 'm never personal in my remarks, whoever may be the 
object. Silence ! where 's the young man ? 

Kit. At breakfast, sir, in the parlor. Oh dear ! I had quite for- 
got. Here is a letter for you, sir ; the postman left it five minutes 
ago. I have been in such a bustle, that I did not think of it. ( Gives 
Griffinhoof a letter.) 

Gri. Go and buy me half a pound of the best gunpowder. 

Kit. Tea, sir ? — five-shillings black ? 

Gri. No, no, — exploding gunpowder. 

Kit. (aside). What can he be going to do with that ? 

Gri. Be quick. I want it immediately. 

Kit. Yes, sir. ( Aside.) What can he be going to do with that ? 

[Exit Kitty, c. d. 

Gri. One single shock I have thought of, that can do no harm if 
it does no good. Close to the steel-trap I have placed a spring gun. 
I of course avoided loading it with ball — for the sudden passing of a 
circular leaden weight through a vital part of the human frame may 
render the patient incurably dumb. At the very moment that Iris leg 
is seized by the steel-trap the spring gun will go off; and if that shock 
is not violent enough, I must have recourse to another. ( Opening let- 
ter, and reading in astonishment. ) Heavens ! — Can I believe my eyes ? 
Bless me ! 

[He falls into a chair. Captain Spoff and Dorothy enter 
at c. d. 

Dor. What is the matter ? 

Spo. Uncle ! — why this indication of astonishment ? 

Gri. I am astonished ! — galvanized ! Do I read correctly ? 
(Pteading.) " The dumb person, who is at your house for the purpose of 
going to Dunkirk, is not what she seejns." 

Sjw. Not what she seems ! 

Gri. "It is but right that you should know that that person is a woman; 
Iter father, for reasons that he will one day explain, has compelled her to 



SHOCKING EVENTS. 13 

assume male attire for some years." Bless me, a female ! all my shocks 
have been too violent ; it is a wonder I have not killed the delicate 
creature. 

Dor. Finish the letter ; there is more. 

Gri. (reading). "She is my wife, and, though she is dumb, we unfortu- 
nate?!/ one day had words ; she resolved to return to her father, and in the 
same attire in which she quitted, him. As to our quarrel, I have discovered 
that I have been in the wrong, and will shortly arrive at your house to claim 
her ; therefore I request you will detain her till my arrival. 

"Your obedient sen-ant, 

"John Perkins." 

Dor. A woman ! I thought there was something very interesting in 
the face. 

Spo. A woman ! how extraordinary I did not discover the fact ! a 
married woman, too ! Egad, I'll make myself agreeable. 

Gri. (absorbed). I might try the fish pond — there is no ingredient 
so simple as water. The gun and the trap may be too violent for a 
female ; but a sudden immersion can do no harm. 

[Puggs suddenly enters, 2 e. l. h., eating an egg ; they all survey 
him from head to foot. Guiffinhoof crosses to Puggs ; Gtiif- 
finhooe smiles graciously. 

Gri. My dear Mrs. Perkins ! (Puggs looks astonished.) 

Gri. Ah, you may look astonished, my dear madam ; you have 
had words with your husband, eh? Aha! you're discovered, Mrs. 
Perkins. 

Spo. Decidedly a female. 

Dor. She seems perfectly at home in her dress. 

Gri. TTorn it for years, you know. Now, Mrs. P., let me beg of 
you to quit these masculine vestments, and put on apparel more suit- 
able to your sex. (Puggs looks alarmed, and retreats towards l. h.) 

Pug. It is a private mad-house, and that old fellow is one of the 
lunatics. (Aside.) 1 11 run for it. 

[He is about to run off) when Griffinhoof catches him by the skirt 
of his coat and brings him back. 

Gri. You don't stir, Mrs. Perkins ; your husband has placed you 
in my charge, and I shall still persevere in my experiments. I^e will, 
I am sure, be grateful when he hears you express your anger in words, 
instead of actions. [Aside.) I must now try other shocks, as my 
patient is a female — mice, spiders, daddy longlegs, may be useful. 
Dorothy, my dear (apart to Dorothy), go to Kitty's room — in the 
closet there you will find a horse's head — bring it to me private \j. 
[Dorothy goes out at the back, c. d. Spoff is paying great 
attention to Puggs, who tries to avoid him. 

Gri. (to the Captain.) Nephew, amuse the poor thing while I pre- 
pare an experiment; our shock I'll try immediately. (Beckoning to 
Puggs, who crosses to him.) Pray, excuse my previous violence; I 
dare say you wonder what it may mean ; but don't be alarmed, I have 
every confidence in my theory; good-by for the present, Mrs. Per- 
kins. {Crosses to r. n.) I'll make a happy woman of you — restore 
your organ of speech for you; then, when you again quarrel with 
your husband, you may have what all ladies like — the last word — 
eh ! Mrs. Perkins ! [Exit r. h. d. 



14 SHOCKING EVENTS. 

Pug. (aside.) Perhaps that old fellow is a mad doctor, and pretends 
to be mad himself to keep his patients in good humor. Oh ! I 'm 
left alone with the wonderful horseman ; how he is looking at me ! 
I suppose he 's one of the incurables ; he looks very like it. 

Spo. A woman, by Jupiter ! and a remarkably fine creature, too. 
( Goes up for a chair.) 

Pug. (aside.) Why didn't Kitty tell me what a place it was ? Poor 
devil ! (looking at Spoff.) 

Spo. (placing a chair.) Sit down, Jemima. 
Pug. (aside.) Jemima? 

Spo. Don't be alarmed. I am a perfect gentleman, and, as such, 
— and an officer, besides, — of course I know how to treat a lady. 
Pug. (aside.) A lady ! he's facetiously insane. 
Spo. Do you love your brute of a husband ? 
Pug. (aside.) It's best to humor these people. 

(Puggs shakes his head.) 
Sjjo. Permit me, then, to take up your quarrel. Allow me to call 
him out ; women are not to be treated like brutes, whatever my uncle 
may think — dear, delicate creatures. 

(Puggs jumps up, and runs to n. h.) 
Spo. Does my ardor alarm you ? 

Pug. (aside.) My ardor shall alarm you in a moment. I wish I 
had a carving-knife or a corkscrew. What shall I do ? I 'm fright- 
ened, though it 's a bad thing to show fear to these poor creatures. 
I'll humor Mm until I can get away. 

(Spoff falls on one knee, l. C.) 
Spo. Behold me at your feet — 

Pug. (aside.) He's been crossed in love, and that has deprived him 
of his wits. 

[Puggs motions Spoff to rise — goes to him and takes his hand to 
assist so to do, but in great alarm. 
Pug. I '11 try to soothe him with my low G. . 

[Puggs advances to him, and runs a short bass cadence — Grtffin- 
hoof comes from his room on tiptoe, produces a pistol which he 
discharges near Puggs's ear — Kitty screams without, "China 
crash!" and a crash of china is heard — Spoff jumps up 
alarmed, and Puggs, stunned with the report, falls into a chair. 
Spo. What's that? 

Gri. (anxiously watching Puggs.) Urn! eh! what? not a word? 
that ought to have had an effect. But she is alarmed and astonished. 
I see the cause of the failure. (To the Captain.) You were on your 
knees, sir ; it shocked her, and, being an opposite cause to mine, neu- 
tralized the effect of both. 

Enter Kitty, in alarm, at the back. 

Kit. Gracious ! who 's firing guns ? I 've let the whole tray of tea- 
things fall. 

Gri. Silence ! don't interrupt ; I 'm waiting for the effect. She 
looks wildly ; I perceive internal spasms ; 'tis nature struggling to 
express itself. Hush! hush! no noise ! 

[They all look intently at Puggs, who expresses great alarm at their 
looks ; he jumps up, and is about to run off, when Gkiffinhoof 
seizes him by the arm, and drags him back again. 



SHOCKING EVENTS. 15 

Gri. No, no ; you must not escape ; I shall be- sorry to u^e coer- 
cion, but I have every faith in my theory, and I will cany it out to its 
fullest extent. (To Puggs, very tenderly.) These events have shocked 
you — I know it, I intended they should ; but compose yourself, dear 
Mrs. P. (putting Puggs's arm within his own), settle your nerves, and 
walk with me quietly round the garden. (Aside.) Now for the shock 
of the fish-pond. 

Kit. (aside to Puggs.) He 's going to drown you. 

[Puggs breaks away from Griffinhoof, and runs behind Spoff. 

Spo. You see my protection is implored ; and I must observ e that 
your treatment of this gentle creature is too violent — very well for a 
horse, but for a human creature too violent. 

Gri. How dare you interfere with my theory ! give me my patient ! 

Spo. Your patient is under my protection. 

Gri. Yours ! give her to my care, sir ! 
[Griffinboof pulls Spoff to r. h., crosses to l., and seizes 
Puggs by the left arm, who is following the Captain ; Spoff 
seizes his right arm. 

Gri. Release your hold. 

Spo. Never! 

Gri. I'll knock you down. By Bucephalus ! I'll knock you down. 

Kit. They'll hurt him ; they'll ruin his voice forever. 

[Griffinhoof, enraged, aims a blow at Spoff, which is received 
by Puggs in his stomach. 

Pug. (aloud, and with an effort.) Oh ! you old fool ! 

[Spoff starts, amazed; Kitty clasps her hands in despair. 

Gri. (dancing with delight, l. h.) Ah ! ah ! did you hear ? did you 
hear ? she speaks ! huzza ! she speaks ! The cure is complete ; the 
voice has been restored by the same cause by which it was lost. A 
discovery in science ! My fortune's made — 't is done ! 't is done ! 
Dorothy! (calling.) Oh, let me hear you once again! (To Puggs.) 
Another word — try — try — you can — I know you can — try ! 

Pug. (in a low voice, as Griffinhoof listens to every word with 
ecstasy.) Yes, I can, I do speak. I feel that I again have a perfect 
use of my own organ. Let me go and play upon it. 

Gri. Wonderful ! wonderful ! What a cleep-toned voice it is ! 
"Rather too powerful for a female ; but I'll bring it to a right note. 
Diet — diet must now be employed — vinegar and vegetables. 

Enter Dorothy, down l. 

My child, I have triumphed. I shall have a fortune to give you at 
last. 

Dor. There's some mistake. What do you think I have found ? 

Gri. What? 

Dor. A young man — on going to Kitty's room for your head. 

Pug. (aside. ) Going for his head 1 She's cracked. 

Gri. Well. 

Dor. I found the door locked. I heard a noise — tried the key of 
another door. It fitted the lock, and, in Kitty's room, I discovered a 
young man. 

Gri. Oh, Kitty ! 

Spo. Oh, Kitty ! 



16 SHOCKING EVENTS. 

Pug. Oh, Kitty ! 

Gri. She can say " Oh, Kitty ! " dear soul. Well, — a young 
man — 

Dor. Quite dumb. 

Gri. Bless me, another patient ? (Puggs steals out at the back.) 

Dor. And, as well as I could understand his gestures, he is the 
person that we have expected. 

Gri. Then who is the individual that I have cured ? 

Kit. (falling on her knees.) Oh, sir! forgive a wretched creature ! 
I'll confess all. The person that you have so completely cured is my 
intended husband. When he fell in love with me, he was dumb, for 
he had n't a word to say for himself. I knew that you could restore 
his speech. Circumstances enabled me to pass him off for the person 
that you expected. And, in regard for my master's fame, I did n't 
mind exposing my lover to the effects of your experiments. They 
have succeeded, sir ; his organ is restored, your fortune is made, and I 
shall be a happy woman after all. 

Gri. You shall, Kitty, you shall. Now I shall be a great man, 
Kitty ; marry my grateful patient to-morrow, and I will give you a 
dowry of twenty pounds. ( Crosses to c.) 

Kit. (to Puggs.) There! 

Gri. (to Spoff.) Dorothy shall be yours, and I promise her a 
portion of five thousand. You may look, it will be mine to give ; 
that grateful and eloquent patient (to Puggs) has opened the gates 
of the palace of fortune to me, and of course I shall walk in. My 
friend's child I shall commence shocking immediately, and with more 
confidence in my theory than ever; and if you approve of it (to the 
audience), let me hear the sweet sounds of your approbation ; if you 
do not, remain dumb, till I cure you ; and if you will visit me again, 
I shall commence shocking you all. Think what a blessing it will be 
for society ! Members about to make a maiden speech, and dumb 
with apprehension; people who have not a word to say for them- 
selves; timid lovers dumb with fear — eh! ha! ha! There will be a 
harvest for me. I see a few before me now who would pop if they 
could but utter one word on the subject. Hush ! come to me, and be 
shocked. Til make you speak ; Flu give you eloquence, and then 
you will gratefully inform all your friends of the triumphant virtue of 
these Shocking Events. 



DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS 



Griffinhoof, 






tfp' 



Spencer's Boston Theatre. 

^ — +—++ 

Price, 12 1-2 Cents, each. Ten for One Dolar. 
BOUND VOLUMES. SI. 



VOL. XVI 



VOL. XXI. 



121 iWW o ad er ? " ; 161 A Hard Struggle, 

122 The flights of Man. j 162 Gwinneth Vaughan, 
12 } Robert Emmet. 163 The Love Knot, 
ML My. TTuobunri'n Gbngt, #164 Metamora, Burlesque, 

125 Fighting by Proxy, [Game ! 165 Dreams of Delusion, 

126 Two Can Play 'at that 166 The Shaker Lovers, 

127 Unprotected Female, Ul67 Ticklish Times, [Tiger, 
l|fti41r in Bushes. »168 Twenty Minutes with a 



VOL. XXVI. 

201 The Boy Martvrs. 
•202 Mary's Birthday, 

203 Avenger or Moor of Sicily 
•flfrMEho .Lady and tha Davft 



VOL XVII. 



VOL. XXII. 



-169 Miralda or the Justice of 
*170 Heads or Tails. [Tacon, 
•131 Who* Stole the Pocketbook »171 A Soldiers 1 Courtship, 
•132 A Bachelor of Arts. »172 Lavater, or Not a bad 

"133 My Son Diana, 173 The Noble Heart, [Judge, 

fl34 The Midnight Banquet. 174 Coriolanus, 

135 Unwarrantable Intrusion.! 175 TV ."Wiiitrjr^ TftUt 
» 136 Mr. & Mrs. White. »176 Servants by Legacy, 



VOL. XVIIL 

137 A Quiet Family. 
•138 Husband of an knur, 

l fl » h asa'a L a- b u m - ^ Tmnt , 
*140 The Naiad Queen. 
•14-1 Caprice. 
*142 Cool as a Cucumber, 
•143 Sudden Thoughts, 

144 Jumbo Jum. 

VOL. XIX. 

♦ 145 The Cradle of Liberty, 
146 A Blighted Being, 
*147 Little Toddlekins, 
•148 The Lost Ship, 
•149 A Lover by Proxy, [Tail, 
150 Maid with the Milking 

I % tW Qoantoy Squipo, 

; »152 Perplexing Predicament. 

VOL. XX. 

•153 Fraud audits Victims, 

1111 Pi Piilnrnrth 

»155 Out to Nurse 
. YL56 Putnam. 

157 The King and Deserter, 
'•158 A Lucky Hit, 

-159 The Dowager, 
; 160 La Fiammina, 



VOL. XXIII. 

177 Eveleen Wilson, 
ifcl78 Nick Whiffles, 
.179 The Queen's Heart, 
••180 Dying for Love, 
j 181 The Pirate'3 Legacy, 
; «ftQQ"Aii AlmiMiup H Biwwfioor 
N^Sfflfe *yf!lolj da 01i*m , 

VOL. XXIV. 

'185 The Last of the Pigtails, 
>186 King Rene's Daughter, 
,•187 -The Grotto Nymph, 
'aJLaSi T4mi Ghflirc/afll Bnrnflr, 
i nl80 Adeigith^ 
•190 A Devlish Good Joke, 
I 191 A Twice Told Tale, 
j 10D Pao da. Faoernfttkm 

VOL. XXV. 

'•193 Senor Valiente, 

••194 Faust and Marguerite, 

!»195 Rural Felicity, 

iilflfl iTrnnhoiii 

♦197 The Olio, Part 1, 

-193 The Olio, «■ 2, 

'199 Shakespeare Proverbs, 

j »200 By Mrs. Cowden Clarke, 



205 The Revolutionary Soldier 
!*208 A Man without a Head 
•207 The Tmmpeteea's Dangh- 
'208 Seeing Warren, [ter. 

VOL XXVII. 

- 209 Green Mountain Boy. 
•210 West End. or Irish heiress. 

211 Don't forget your Opera 

212 "That Nose " [Glasses 

213 Uncle Robert, 
214 

- 31 - S ,,, « n . . t ; r ^ _ 



216 



VOL. XXVIII. 



217 
218 
219 
220 
221 
222 
223 
224 



VOL. XXIX. 



22:, 

: 223 

i 227 
I 228 
j 229 
' 230 
i 231 
i 232 



VOL. XXX. 



234 

235 
236 
237 
238 
239 
240 



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